Renji's Ticket to Hell
by BadGirlxD
Summary: Renji can't find his pen, Byakuya is giving bad advices and Rukia is pissed at something that Renji told her over the phone the previous night. Written purely for humor, oneshot. Enjoy! XD


Hey guys! XD

I haven't written anything in a while but I had this thought in my mind and couldn't get it out of my head so I wrote it, hehehe.

And I would like you to know that I have nothing against Renji, he's actually one of my favorite characters!

But it's just too fun messing with him. XD

Hope you like it. :3

* * *

On the desk.

Nothing.

On the floor.

Nothing.

In the drawers.

Still nothing?

"Damn it." Renji thought.

How tough can it be to find a pen as red and as bright as his own hair?

Apparently very, very hard for our favorite lieutenant. And just when he started getting the hang of the monstrosity called paperwork.

"Tch. Typical. I always lose stuff." the pineapple scoffed and crossed his arms. Then he sat on the ground giving it a glare, thinking that if maybe he stared long and hard enough, the pen will magically appear and his life would be brought to balance again.

Just then the door to his office opened and his captain entered the room, wearing a peaceful expression on his face, not even sparing a glance at Renji's direction.

"Renji."

Renji almost jumped out of his skin when Byakuya spoke to him.

"Y-yes, captain?"

"Are you slacking at work again?" he asked while sitting at his desk just besides Renji's and bringing his feather and a piece of white paper out to start writing the next unimportant report on his division's progress in work for the past month.

Renji suddenly envied his captain for writing with a feather instead of a pen.

His left eye twitched.

"No, captain. I just... lost my pen." he finished lamely and scratched the back of his head, embarrassed.

As if his captain didn't think he was an idiot already.

"Your pen. The one in your left hand?" the stoic man said, not even lifting his eyes from the piece of paper he was writing on.

The redhead stopped scratching his head and stilled for a second.

"..."

There was a long, long silence, followed by Renji's face turning in the color of the pen he was holding.

"Uhh...-"

Just then someone knocked lightly on the door.

The poor man inwardly sighed in relief.

"Come in." his captain said, still not lifting his head from his paper.

The door opened and Renji turned his head to greet his rescuer with a big grin but instead, his face was twisted into a picture of horror when his eyes greeted the deep violet irises of his childhood friend Rukia.

_"Oh shit."_

"Hello, Nii-sama." she greeted her brother with a slight bow of her head, while Byakuya nodded at her.

She then turned to her friend, who was still sitting on the ground, and smiled at him.

"Hi, Renji. Long time no see."

He just nodded dumbly and prayed to whatever god he could that she forgot about their little conversation on the phone last night.

"Nii-sama. Can I take him with me for a moment? I have to ask him something."

Byakuya nodded.

"Of course, it's not like he was doing anything important here."

Renji's left eye twitched again.

_"Gee, thanks captain. You shouldn't have." _

He got up, patted his butt and went to put his precious pen on his desk before following the little Kuchiki out of the door.

The moment he shut the door a little hand flew to the side of his face and punched him hard enough to crack a few teeth.

"Are you fucking insane? You-"

And he was punched yet again, the force making him stumble backward and falling back on his butt.

In a brief moment he wondered how can such a petite girl have so much strength.

When he looked up and saw the rage in her eyes he knew that he will never see his pen again.

"You fucking idiot!"

She kicked his stomach.

"How could you-How _dare_ you inform me of something like this on the phone!"

She punched his left cheek.

"You _know_ how important this is to me! And yet you didn't consider my feelings at all!"

She punched his right cheek.

"I was in the middle of having dinner with Ichigo's family, damn it! And after your call Yuzu's homemade delicious food didn't taste good anymore!"

She punched him right across the face, almost knocking him out.

"If you ever do something like that ever again, I'm gonna make sure you don't reproduce children with the same brain capacity as yours!"

And with the last word, she kicked him in a place that Renji held very dear to himself.

She took one last look at the poor soul at her feet and then proceeded towards the exit of the 6th division's main building, leaving her beaten friend behind her with no regret in her mind, hoping she had teached him a valuable lesson.

* * *

Byakuya had finally finished writing the tiresome report and decided he deserved a warm cup of tea.

He got up and walked over to the door of his office.

When he opened it he saw his lieutenant's curled up form just beside the door frame.

He'd be lying if he said he was surprised to find him there.

"Renji." he spoke as evenly as always.

There was some shifting before Renji weakly lifted his head and stared at his captain.

"I hope you learned that you should never tell Rukia that you accidentally blew up her life-sized Chappy over the phone."

Renji's eye twitched again.

_"You're the one who told me I should call her in the first place!"_

"Y-yes, captain..."

* * *

Poor Renji, always the one who suffers. XD

And for a side note, I don't really like the random use of japanese words in english fics, but it just didn't seem right of Rukia calling Byakuya 'brother' so I wrote the usual 'Nii-sama'...

Anyway, tell me if you liked it, hated it, you're neutral etc. Just tell me your opinion. ^^

Bye, bye. :3


End file.
